It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
