He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
