I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
