we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
