Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
as a side note pls kill me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
