I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
