that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
