At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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