Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
