When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm sobbing to NWA
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
