i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
