So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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