cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
