i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
