Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
