I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
