i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
