You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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