you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
