I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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