tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
