would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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