people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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