Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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