ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
