If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
