So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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