I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
