We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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