once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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