I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
