I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
