If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she told me i tasted like america
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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