I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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