I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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