There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
