I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
