Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
