we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
