Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Fuck me I smell like cheese
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
