I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
