U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
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