but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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