Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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