We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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