they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
