Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
