i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
