Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
