Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
