you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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