Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
