I can tuck mytits in my pants
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
