i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
